The Pursuit of Success Is Becoming Performative and Leaders Are Paying the Price: Amanda Hoffmann on Borrowed Self

Today’s corporate landscape often succeeds in concealing a fractured sense of self, with accumulated titles, polished resumes, expanding teams, and climbing compensation. Yet beneath the surface, many leaders may be navigating careers that are fueled less by intention and more by imitation.

“Is every promotion a sign of progress when your identity isn’t part of the equation?” asks Amanda Hoffmann, an ACC- and SHRM-SCP-certified executive coach advisor with an M.Ed. from Vanderbilt University and over 20 years in HR.

She argues that this pattern is best understood through what she calls the “borrowed self,” which is a condition she believes has evolved from an individual tendency into a broader societal issue.

“The borrowed self is basically when people adopt the values, motivations, and aspirations of their tribe,” Hoffmann explains. “And now that our tribes are no longer just physical, they’re digital, global, and constant, the pressure to adopt those values has multiplied.”

Hoffmann points to the scale of modern digital exposure as a key driver of this phenomenon, noting that widespread and frequent engagement with social media platforms amplifies external influence over personal values. “Our tribes are expanding, and with them, our need for external validation,” she says. In her view, this desire for approval can blur the line between authentic ambition and influenced expectations. “We borrow others’ beliefs, even if they don’t align with ours,” Hoffmann adds.

Leadership, in particular, can become a proving ground for this distortion, she believes. High-performing professionals often pursue “borrowed aspirations,” a sentiment Hoffmann attributes to goals that may feel personal but are actually conceived externally. “It tends to show up in very visible ways: in the titles, in wealth, and in the size of your team. Those are the easiest signals of success, so people gravitate toward them, even when they don’t actually want them,” she says.

This disillusionment, she believes, brings cumulative consequences. From Hoffmann’s perspective, leaders who climb toward borrowed goals often find themselves managing roles they never consciously chose.

Pointing to an executive Hoffmann worked with, she illustrates this contradiction. She explains that outwardly, he championed employee engagement, investing time in strategy sessions and planning initiatives. Yet execution, she notes, consistently stalled. “When we really dug into it, he admitted, ‘I don’t care about engagement.’ He had convinced himself he valued it because the organization did. That was the borrowed self at work,” she explains.

Hoffmann acknowledges that such realizations seldom unfold gradually, highlighting them as pivotal inflection points. She says, “This moment only occurs when someone feels safe enough to question themselves without judgment.” Creating that very moment is where her methodology finds its most relevance.

By channeling “open neutrality,” Hoffmann works to remove the influence of external judgments and preconceived notions. This process allows individuals to examine their beliefs with curiosity, compassion, and constructive skepticism. According to her Clarity System, distortion can interfere with accurate self-perception and limit effective decision-making.

She views clarity as a prerequisite for agency. “Agency is conscious self-authorship,” she explains. “But you can’t have agency without clarity. If you don’t know who you are, you don’t know what you’re choosing, or what you’re compromising.”

This principle is operationalized through her Core Alignment Model (CAM), which she uses to align identity with aspiration through practical strategy. The process, Hoffmann highlights, begins with excavation, uncovering authentic identity and goals, before building a “bridge” of decisions that connects the two. In her experience, this often requires compromise. “You might have to choose between who you are and what you think you want. But you can’t make that choice consciously until you know both,” Hoffmann explains.

Fear of judgment, Hoffmann argues, remains the most significant barrier. Drawing on research and her own experience, she maintains that individuals are far less likely to engage in independent thinking when they are aware of how their views will be perceived.

“Judgment drives so much of our life,” she states. “Our need to belong hasn’t changed, but the number of people we’re trying to belong with has exploded.”

In organizational settings, Hoffmann believes borrowed identities can lead to leadership dynamics and decision-making shaped more by external validation than internal conviction. Leaders who operate from borrowed values, she suggests, often struggle to sustain momentum because their decisions are not grounded in personal values.

Hoffmann’s framework challenges a deeply held assumption. She states, “We like to believe we know ourselves. But the truth is, we probably don’t know ourselves as well as we think we do.” The discomfort of that realization, she adds, is necessary. Certainty may feel stabilizing, but in her view, it can also mask distortion. Questioning it requires a willingness to confront not only external expectations, but internal assumptions.

Ultimately, powerful decisions, in Amanda Hoffmann’s view, begin with building the courage to question the self that has been shaped over time, and to decide, with clarity, which parts genuinely belong.