‘SNL’ Has Trump Pop Pills, Kill Santa, And Embrace Epstein Files In Cold Open

Last night’s episode of Saturday Night Live came out swinging with a cold open sketch that parodied Donald Trump‘s recent press conference on board Air Force One.

The sketch begins with a voiceover from a Christmas-style storybook: “On a cold December night, high above the Earth, flies a big jolly man of considerable girth. Making his way to every home under the sun, in his magical sleigh… Air Force One.”

SNL featured player Ashley Padilla opens up the press conference as White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt before James Austin Johnson pops out from behind a curtain as Donald Trump. “Yes, hello, it’s your favorite president. Hiding behind my curtain, ooh! Peek behind the curtain- It’s something I enjoyed doing at Miss Teen USA in 1997.”

Johnson’s Trump proudly informs the press that he took both an Ambien and an Adderall tonight, setting the stage for an unhinged press conference that includes openly simping over his young blonde subordinate (“it’s giving Michigan football coach”), playing with the aircraft curtain, and offering meandering answers that zigzag from one absurd reference to another.

For example, when another press member, played by Andrew Dismukes, asks for a comment on the oil tanker that the U.S. seized off the coast of Venezuela last Wednesday, Johnson’s Trump emphatically says, “Yes! We’re doing pirate now. Arrr! Last week, I said Somalis were garbage, and now we’re stealing the ships. Ironic, isn’t it? Alanis! She’s great in Dogma. She’s at the end.”

Then, after quoting Captain Phillips and proclaiming his love for Cap’n Crunch, Johnson’s Trump asserts that the US government is now targeting suspected drug planes, before showing a “declassified video from a strike” that depicts Santa Claus and his reindeer getting blown up.

Brushing past the big man in red’s demise, Johnson’s Trump disses the Warner Bros. studio tour and then pivots to commenting on the Jeffrey Epstein photos recently released by House Democrats. “Look, the fact is, these photos are a fake-news Democrat host, okay?”

When new cast member Tommy Brennan pushes back to ask if this includes the picture of a bowl of condoms with Trump’s face on it and the words, “I’m huge,” Johnson’s Trump suddenly changes his tune. “They’re 100% legit. I love those files. I’m in the files, I took a lot of great pictures!”

Watch the full cold open above.